I have recently made a commitment to renew my daily meditation practice, after nearly a year of sort of losing focus, and walking down a path that wasn't right for me.
Last year I developed and cultivated a fear of money (or lack of it) and as a result I lost sight of my faith that God would provide. I am a stay at home mother and felt like I should be "contributing financially", never mind that my husband didn't feel it was necessary!
I started a little sewing business from home and it quickly became more successful than I could have imagined. I was consumed with it - I would wake in the night with ideas, my brain feverishly going over every detail. I actually got sick because my mind was whirring so fast that I couldn't maintain equilibrium. I look back on that time and recognise that it was not a healthy way to live. I needed to stop, but I carried on working late nights and during the day (many, many hours I could have spent elsewhere) fulfilling orders.
Before I even began, I knew a sewing business wasn't what God wanted me to do. And it negatively impacted my predisposition for addiction as I spent more and more time trying to drum up business or keeping an eye on the so-called competition. They say that the Spirit speaks in a still, small voice, but that wasn't working so by February He was shouting at me to stop. Unfortunately I had a list of pre-paid custom orders that wasn't going to be completed until April at the earliest.
I finally committed to quitting the business and was able to put it completely to rest by May. I felt so relieved and happy! It was like the fog lifted at last and I could think clearly again.
As I thought on the past six months, I felt ashamed of my choices. Okay, so I wasn't doing anything horrific, but I also wasn't where I needed to be and I wasted so much time. Hours in the day, days in the week, weeks and months. If I had focussed on where God was sending me, rather than where I thought I should be, I would probably be an official Kundalini Yoga Teacher right now.
That's what I should be doing - focussing on training to be a teacher. Yes, perhaps this could lead to an income for my family like I had originally intended with my sewing business, but more importantly, it will lead me closer to God the Father and His son, Jesus Christ.
At the end of my life, what do I want to reflect back upon? The hours spent worrying and focussing on earthly things, while important in many ways, aren't nearly as important as hours spent in worship through prayer, fasting, meditation, and service to my fellow beings. I want to be purified through Christ, and I will get there faster and more thoroughly through meditation. I know it.
So now that I acknowledge that I need to readjust my course, I am now on day 15 of my renewed meditation journey and day 6 of a Yogic mono fast. I have so much to say about my experiences so far! I have been meditating daily, reading and studying scriptures and other good books, and I am also de-toxing from Facebook. It has been a great start.
I have felt the power of God's love and felt it flow through me towards others. I have received my Yogic name, and the meaning dovetails so nicely with my patriarchal blessing. It's wonderful! I feel like I'm bursting with joy, peace and love for everyone and I really want to share my experiences to spark interest and a daily practice in everyone else's lives. I will be posting more information about my recent experiences and my thoughts and testimony of meditation on this blog. I will be sharing about how I am overcoming my scepticism through experience.
I will also be sharing my experiences with my Level 1 Teacher training! I will begin that journey in September of this year, and I am so very excited.
There have been very few opportunities for me to meditate with others since I began learning about Kundalini Yoga and Meditation. Most of my learning has been online with a teacher who lives half a world away. I went to a KY festival last year, which was a beautiful experience, so I am confident that I will enjoy my teacher training. I look forward to meeting and befriending other people who live and love meditating and hope to get to the point where I can feel confident teaching others. I have such a strong desire inside me to teach, but I don't have the words yet.
In fact, I have been prompted to prepare an introductory lesson for my church's Relief Society (women's group), although I haven't been asked yet. I have also been prompted to write an article for the Ensign, a magazine published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
It seems I have a lot of work to do. Sat Nam.