Friday, 1 December 2017
Consecutive days of Meditation...900 and counting
I don't know the exact number, because I only keep track in my journal and I'm far too lazy to get up and check, but I know I have less than 100 days left of my 1,000 day meditation goal.
It is truly amazing to me. Where I was when I started, where I've been since then, and where I am now.
In some ways, I am the same person. Scatterbrained, prone to laziness (haha, see above), impulsive, addictive. I seem to have listed a lot of my weaknesses! But I've learned so much about myself, and have grown into a much more calm, mature person.
I am at peace with who I am. Well, mostly. I am happy with where I am in my life. Well, I'm getting there.
My patriarchal blessing says something along the lines of "the Lord will reveal to you the unique role you have in building God's kingdom on the earth".
For a while there, I thought that meant I was going to teach Kundalini Yoga to Mormons. Silly me! That role is already filled. As much as I want to be like her, Felice Austen is a unique force unto herself. I can't be her, and whenever I dwelled on the distance between her and me, I felt unhappy. Unsettled. Wrong.
I love Kundalini Yoga. I love how it has influenced my life in deep, profound ways. I loved my Level 1 Teacher Training. I'd like to do Level 2 someday. But I don't think teaching yoga is my calling, at least right now. Going through the training has blessed my life in a million different ways, and I absolutely do not regret the opportunity. I truly believe God prepared that class for me. I am almost finished with my course requirements - I need to attend about 8 more KY classes to sign off on my sheet - and I will be so proud of that certificate!
But if I'm honest, teaching on my own or setting up my own classes somewhere never felt right. I've come to rely on a certain feeling or evolution of events that guides my path in life, and when that doesn't happen and I force it, things don't generally work out very well. Teaching Kundalini Yoga has always felt that way. At first I thought it was because I have so many family commitments, and yes, that has been part of it, but learning KY was only one piece of the puzzle.
Recently I have been praying for guidance on what goals I should be aiming for in my life. I've felt a bit at a loose end, since having my sixth child, and wanted to find a project! We got a dog, which has been fun, but she's such an easy pup (overall I can't complain) that it hasn't been much of a challenge for me to train her and get her acclimated to our lives.
About a month ago, I was listening to a Sister in the ward bear her testimony, and she mentioned something about her work - she's a social worker. The thought popped into my head with considerable force: I can do that.
And as I started researching and considering my options, I realised that yeah! I can do this. I desperately want to do this.
Social work ties into one whole several strands of interest in my life. My experience as a mother of six children has helped me in numerous ways. I understand the challenges of family life. I have a disabled child. My ability to empathise has increased exponentially over the years. I am very interested in philosophy, human rights, social justice and giving people the tools and knowledge to help themselves. I am kind. I have mental fortitude in challenging situations.
I have developed these skills and interests over the years, but most especially over the past 900-odd days. The threads of my life can be pulled together under the umbrella of a career in social work. There are many different aspects of social work that I could focus on, but at the moment I really like the idea of helping adoptive families and children. For many years, my husband and I were interested in fostering, but it hasn't been the right choice for our family. Instead, I can help other people in the fostering system.
The things I've learned over my lifetime have led me to this conclusion - I want to be a social worker. I can do good. I can help others. For so long, I've felt like a "jack of all trades, master of none" but I can see that those varying interests have actually helped me mature as a person and grow in the direction God needed me to grow.
Although I don't for one minute think that this is my only purpose in life, and perhaps it will take me a full lifetime to understand what my "unique" role in God's kingdom really is, but for now, at this time, I feel that my prayers have been answered.
I feel at peace with this choice. I feel nervous about the specifics - childcare! homework! debt and loans! oh my! - but every time I think about the end result, I get a huge smile on my face. I am so excited for the next five years. It's going to be amazing.
And what about my 1,000 days? Will I stop meditating?
Not. A. Chance. If I've changed this much over 1,000 days, what will the next 1,000 days bring?